On Co-Sleeping
I want to preface this post by proclaiming that I am not a hippie. Are we clear on this point? I want to put it out there now, because I suspect that it will be increasingly difficult to explain how I am not a hippie as I discuss some of the lifestyle choices we have made.
Now let’s talk about co-sleeping. We do it.
Co-sleeping, for the uninitiated, can also be called “family bed”. It’s where the baby sleeps with the parents every night. It’s not a particularly popular way to go, and I do understand why. I’m not here to try to tell you that it’s the best thing in the world and that every parent ought to be doing it, but I will try to tell you why it happens to be the best idea for us.
I was not into it early in the pregnancy. Christine brought it up, but my argument against it was that I was worried I would hurt, crush, smother or otherwise harm Cole while sleeping. That, or I would not, as a light sleeper, get any sleep whatsoever. Christine respected my concerns, and we agreed he could sleep beside the bed (obviously, in some sort of crib type thing) but not in the bed itself.
As the pregnancy progressed though, I began to see some problems with that method. For one thing, the wife and I travel, like, a lot more than your average family. The notion of buying a bassinet that we would then have to either ditch for another one the next time we move, or somehow take it with us on our travels with two dogs and a baby in tow, well that seemed like an ugly option to me. There are additional costs to all that which is also a pain.
The biggest thing though, and I say this with some shame… is that we let our dogs sleep in the bed with us.
I know I KNOW. Bad dog owners! No boundaries whatsoever. Long before our little burrito was even conceived, we were a pack in need of a large bed to fit all of the bodies. Two grown (and even large for their breed) labs take up a lot of space. And you know what? I never hurt them while sleeping, not even when they were weeks old. So I told Christine that we could test co-sleeping out, at least for a night or two. When I told my mom about this plan, her response was something like “Good luck with that. I brought you into bed once when you were having a nightmare, and you kicked me in the face, so we didn’t do that again.”
I don’t know if swaddling was as fashionable 34 years ago as it is now, but I have to say, swaddling has a way of keeping kicking legs at bay. The first night was definitely rough for me. I barely slept. Not because I was worried I would roll over onto Cole (Believe me, once you have a baby in the bed, a body goes on high alert for keeping a safe distance from it) but because I was literally checking to see if he was breathing every time I woke up enough to spot him sleeping away beside me. Also in those first nights, some preternatural protector instinct took over, I would sit up completely awake at any noise or disturbance, overreacting to pretty much everything. We kept at it though, and I think it has worked out really well. One massive advantage is just having access to Cole when he’s distressed. I can’t even imagine getting out of bed, wandering down the hall to another room to find out what it is he needs. Usually it’s just a need to be fed, which Christine just takes care of there in the bed. Neither of us are particularly bothered.
So there you go. Is it the perfect scenario? No scenario is “perfect”, but for our lifestyle, moving around a lot, likely living in small flats around the world, this makes sense. I would not presume that it’s good for everyone, but there are plenty of people out there who have done it where everybody came out unscathed. We will have to make adjustments to how we approach our own uh, intimacy, of course, and the whole thing is an adjustment in many ways, but honestly, when Christine and I are ready to go to sleep at night, the bed turns into a real pile of bodies anyway. We’re just adding one very small addition to the pile. If you have read this far, you may have questions about the future, what we will do as he gets older, etc. I have those same questions, and can’t wait to figure out what the answers will be… Once they have to be answered.
There was one time when Christine, who typically stays up later than I do, asked if I wanted to hold Cole as I drifted off. I sleepily took him and tucked him into my sweatshirt to keep him warm.
I uh, woke up to a slight tickling on my nipple. Thankfully I caught it before both of us became emotionally scarred for life.
If I could make sure you take any one thing away from this piece, it’s this: I am NOT a hippie. Seriously, not.
Edit to add: If you are interested in reading about co-sleeping in a more comprehensive way than even I have read (Not difficult), you can find resources at cosleeping.org (warning: may be full of dirty hippies*. I can’t know these things for sure)
*no I don’t hate hippies, honest.
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You hipp-… ah. Right. Forgot.
Co-Sleeping is great and works itself out eventually:) . Just enjoy cole and you shall all grow together .
Of course you’re not a hippie… all hippies have long hair! And what’s wrong with being a hippie?
Anyway, kidding aside, I did this with my Daughter and had the same initial fears of smothering her, crushing her, etc. but it never happened (the high-alert thing is true). And, it was very convenient for nursing in the middle of the night. Everyone was content! It was a pretty natural transition moving her to her crib when she was older… even tho I thought she’d always sleep in the bed with me. When you take things on a day to day basis it seems to all work out fine. Sounds like a very loving and nurturing environment to me!
We co-slept with Sid for the first 6.5 months (about two weeks ago). It was just so much easier for me when he was waking up to nurse during the night. We switched him to the crib (which is in our room) because he’s been sleeping through the night pretty steadily, and because he now likes to rotate in his sleep, so we’ll wake up with his head butting my husband’s spine and his feet kicking me in the stomach, both of us pushed to the outer edges of the mattress with Sid hogging our king-size bed. That said, the first few nights without him were a little tough! Even though he’s only five feet away, I kinda miss him.
Great post. My wife and I were totally against co-sleeping before we became parents. We had to eat our words. Our first son did everything he could not to sleep in his crib. The minute we laid him in bed with us he was out. So the chose was: to sleep or not to sleep. Easy decision don’t you think? Our second son has slept in his crib more than our first, but he still ends up in bed with us every night.
It really comes down to the parents and the baby/child. Everyone has to make the decision for themselves. Keep up the great writing.
Dude… I get you on the “checking if they are breathing” thing. Our little boy doesn’t sleep in our bed anymore, he is seven weeks old, but we did have him co-sleeping for the first two weeks. Now he’s in a bassinet in our room and I am still the paranoid father. As for our dog, he isn’t even allowed IN our room, let alone sleeping along side us but we have huge jealousy issues with the dog since the kid came along.
GetReadyDad´s last blog ..Going Out – With the Baby
Glad you brought up the dogs! That’s my question, actually – what happened to the dogs? I’m an expectant father with two dogs and three cats, all of whom spend some time in the bed during the night. Did you clear out the animals to make room for the baby? If so, how did that go over? If not, did the baby get kicked or scratched by the dogs?
Thanks for all the responses guys! Brad, GetreadyDad, the stuff about dogs is something maybe more people will be interested in, so thanks, and I am writing a post that will hopefully answer your question Brad! Or it could just be rambly nonsense. I need a coffee as big as my head right now…